In an interview on Living the Life, airing on Loveworld TV 26th March 2011, Dr. Linda Mintle, PhD, gave some very wise counsel to those who are embarking on the process of finding a life partner, spouse and co-parent for their children.
Marriage – Is it an Out of Date Institution?
Although the perfect wedding day is still the dream of many a young woman, it is clear that the sacrament of marriage is under threat. According to Dr. Mintle, the rate of divorce has risen from the thousands into millions per annum and many youngsters are apparently wary to make a similar commitment if it is likely to end in conflict. Living together can be an option that people make for various reasons, she says. Many want to try it out before they commit, but this can be a cause of strain that may cause a relationship to end.
The Nature of Commitment
According to Dr. Mintle, going into a relationship knowing that it is a "disposable try it and see" arrangement means that couples don't commit fully. Serial failures affect new relationships; for example, when "images of other partners are brought into the bedroom" this can undermine the sexual relationship.
How to Choose the Right Life Partner
Love is blind, it is said, and many will be aware of the dangers of choosing a partner whilst wearing the "rose tinted spectacles of romance". Desperate for love, many people only see what they want to see and ignore the flaws, only discovering at a later date that they have made a catastrophic mistake. It's too late when children are involved as this causes more pain and brokenness for the future.
Dr. Mintle advises some key points to be observed when choosing a life partner:
- Don't commit yourself until you have observed the potential mate for a reasonable time. Especially observe them during times of stress and conflict – weddings, bereavements, employment changes – as this is how they may react with you in future times of difficulty.
- Observe the family; is there any history of violence or mental health problems, for example, that may be hereditary, or may have some harmful mental health implications.
- What are their values and are these going to conflict with your own? Differences of values can be the cause of long-term strife and eventual relationship breakdown.
Sex Before Marriage May Cause Marital Breakdown
Dr. Mintle cautions that abstinence can help one choose wisely when looking for a prospective partner. Engaging in premarital sex can cloud the judgement. "How can one know if it is real love, or merely lust that is fuelling the relationship? Once the lust goes there may not be enough love to sustain the relationship." She advises that this is another big cause of relationship failure.
Complex Families – the Results of Relationship Breakdown
The stakes are high and the cost of marital failure is punitive. Marital/Relationship breakdown leaves a terrible toll of suffering that can continue for years and generations even. Children are left feeling wounded when a parent leaves and this can have many effects on their lives. When parents start to date or eventually pair up with another partner, this can cause more stress.
Dr. Mintle went on to ascribe other problems in society to the breakdown of the institution of marriage. Some experts suspect that the rise in homosexuality and lesbianism can be traced back to the lack of appropriate male or female role models in the home. Whatever the truth of the matter, choosing the right partner is crucially important for individual happiness and a stable and healthy society in the long term.
Source
Mintle, Dr. Linda, Interview with Terry Meuson and Linda Castleberry, Living the Life, Loveworld TV, 26th March 2011.
