Many people are unsure what exactly counseling is and wrongly assume that counselors are advice givers and problem solvers. They may be surprised to learn that counseling is more about guiding the client towards finding thier own answers by flagging up faulty self-attitudes and harmful thought processes.
What is Person Centred Counseling?
The glue that sticks all forms of counselling together is its Person Centred basis. This means that the counselor has utmost respect and positive regard for the client and never tries to act as if they "know it all". One of the underlying principles of counseling is that the client has all the answers within them, although it may take the counselor's help in order to get to the answers.
A skilful counselor will be aware of the underlying causes of depression, anxiety and other negative states of being, but their most powerful tool is their advanced empathy - the ability to recognise "the feeling behind the feeling".
Counseling - Getting to the Nub of the Problem
Often when people come to counseling it is because they have an issue that is complicated by past circumstances or relationships. They may be holding onto ways of thinking that no longer serve their highest interest and are "past their sell by date". People often adopt negative self-attitudes during childhood and continue to be affected by such negative thinking patterns in their adult life.
For example a child whose parents divorced may conclude that this was their fault, and may carry that "false guilt" into their adult life. Such false attitudes can lead to low self esteem and other complex problems of self image and self worth. Another unhelpful self attitude is perfectionism, since this often comes from a childhood need to please others (eg a parent) in order to be loved.
Often feelings that are being expressed verbally by a client are masking deeper feelings, such as fear, guilt or anger, that are hiding below the surface. The skilled counselor listens intently for those deeper feelings that need to be acknowledged and released before healing can take place.
Fear, Anxiety and Phobias Can be Helped by Counseling
Traumatic experiences can become fixed in the subconscious giving rise to fear, anxiety and phobias. Counseling may be used to identify underlying fears in order to reprogramme thought patterns that give rise to obsessive behaviour or anxiety states. This style of counseling is known as CBT or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
How Does Counseling Work?
By listening intently to what is being expressed verbally or through body language, the counselor uses a range of skills in order to help the client to become more self aware. These include:
- Listening and reflecting back what has been heard to the client
- Summarising - a good counselor will summarise what has been said, but may also be able to spot something that the client isn't aware of, e.g. self-sabotaging patterns of behavior brought from childhood into adulthood.
- Challenging - flagging up to the client differences between what is said and what is actually happening
- Noticing differences between what is expressed verbally and body language - this means that the client isn't aware of the "feeling behind the feeling"
- Helping the client to safely investigate their fears
- Immediacy - picking up on the emotional sub currents in the room can help clients to open up more deeply to their feelings
- Helping the client to adopt constructive thought patterns and behaviors
Counseling Helps with Self Awareness
Becoming more self aware is one of the greatest challenges of life, but it is only by becoming self aware that one can achieve peace and fulfilment. One of the greatest benefits of counseling is that one becomes more self aware and can thus avoid the pitfalls of negative thinking and behavior patterns. Relationships improve, confidence rises and one becomes empowered to live a fuller life.
Reference
The Gift of Tears, A Practical Approach to Loss and Bereavement Counselling (Paperback),
by Susan Lendrum (Author), Gabrielle Syme (Author), Pub. Brunner Routledge, ISBN 1-58391-933-3
